Is This Really The Time?

Is This Really The Time?

Let’s face it: this is a difficult time. Parents are working from home while their children are attending virtual school (or have a confusing hybrid school schedule), all under the same roof. Young families who have fled high risk Covid areas are now living with extended family for indefinite periods of time. Covid 19 has given togetherness new meaning, testing families who are now together twenty- four hours a day, seven days a week. On the other hand, seniors who are used to seeing their family regularly are now learning how to have virtual family visits, leaving them deprived of hugs and kisses, unfulfilled and lonely. Families who would normally be coping with deaths of loved ones together, now have to experience it separated from other family members. Difficult conversations involving the care of elderly or sick relatives may bring relatives together for difficult conversation virtually, which adds another isolating dimension. Not a pretty picture. 

Consequences of our current situation are an uptick in divorces, domestic abuse and heightened nuclear and extended family tensions that add to the already afflicted physical and mental health of those of us living restricted lives. 

Some might say that this is not the time to deal with family conflict but, much like any neglected wound, you run the risk of it getting inflamed and worsening. Effective and compassionate communication becomes even more important in stressful times. It is necessary to have regular conversations and listen to and respect one another’s feelings and needs. Not addressing needs and emotions can lead to alienation and built up animosity. 

Here are some suggestions for how to avoid conflict during this time.

·       Schedule regular talks with your spouse/partner. Find a time alone, get comfortable, and listen to each other. Prepare for these conversations by making notes of things you want to discuss. If something occurred that bothered you, make a note of it, don’t just ignore it, but take the time to process what you want to say with thought instead of just reacting. 

·       Family meetings are a good idea for maintaining harmony and sanity. Talk about what everyone has on their minds, set boundaries if necessary, make up schedules or rules in a way that lets everyone participate. 

·       Even if you are in a small space, try to make sure everyone gets some alone time. One person gets the couch while someone else sits at the table. Take a walk. Just a half hour can enable someone to refresh.

·       Deal with problems before they escalate. If you anticipate an issue that needs to be discussed right away, don’t wait until it is a crisis. If it is a difficult conversation, find a safe and private space and if needed, get someone who can help facilitate that discussion. 

·       For those living with extended family, check in regularly with your spouse/partner to make sure that they are comfortable and alright with the circumstances. Work to resolve problems together. The situation will change eventually so the emphasis is on maintaining an understanding, healthy relationship until that time comes.·        

In short, do not forget to keep checking in with those you live with to keep the lines of communication open.