Counting to 10

Counting to 10 before responding is the advice given to people who are angry and about to become explosive. It is designed to create a cooling off period before the person reacts. While it may seem to be a juvenile response, I think there is some merit to it especially since we are living more closely with our family pod during the Pandemic. Conflict among family members cooped up in their home is almost a certainty. So, how do we manage our anger and response to conflict?

Reaction to conflict comes in so many forms. Some people avoid it and withdraw while others become aggressive and attack. Both these tactics may not produce the most effective communication and the resolution we desire. Instead of reacting right away to something we disagree with, another response may be to wait and process what you just heard. Try to understand what is really being said and why it is being said. Perhaps the person is expressing a vulnerability or fear and is unable to communicate in a calm manner. Perhaps an incident unknown to you has occurred and the person has not fully explained the basis for the outburst. Taking the time to stay calm and to ask follow-up questions will not only show that you care but will de-escalate the situation so that you can effectively respond and have a real conversation. 

Taking the time to analyze what you are hearing is not always easy in the moment. Emotions are high and regrettable comments may be said. But we need to break the reaction cycle in order to get the conversation back on track. It may take practice but staying calm and exercising empathy and understanding before responding just may help reduce the conflict we are all experiencing at this time.