Two or More Sides to Every Story

Did this ever happen to you? A family member stops speaking to you because of something she heard you had said to another family member. Did she ask you why you said it? If you said it? Remember the game of telephone from elementary school? That was a life lesson in the shape of a game. Really brilliant if you think about it. At the end of the long line of kids who were playing the game, the last child was asked what was said. Then, importantly, the first child was asked what he/she said. And it was rarely the same thing. How many times do we hear that something was said but don’t go back to the original person to ask what he/she actually said?

Sometimes we sit and reminisce with friends or family about an event that happened a while ago. Does it ever happen that you disagree on that experience? The details might be the same while our experience of that event is different. Maybe your older sibling looked forward to getting together with cousins while you, the younger and shy one, were uncomfortable. Both experiences are valid but different. 

A conversation takes two or more people. We come to them with different perspectives, prejudices, and emotions. The takeaway can be different for everyone involved. Sometimes we walk away hurt or angry. But do we go back and revisit those conversations or avoid any possible confrontation? Or maybe the discussion ended so unpleasantly that a follow-up conversation is likely to be too fraught with emotion. 

These situations can lead to estrangement. Here’s what we do as part of the mediation process. We speak to each of the parties individually to get their perspective and positions on the issues. We then facilitate a civil group conversation that starts with asking each person to explain what they think happened and what they are hoping to get out of the session. We rephrase the statements and identify the emotions being expressed. Everyone gets to hear the other person’s perspective, their feelings, and what they think was said. Everyone gets a clearer understanding of how to resolve the issues/conflict. And although people may not be best friends when they leave, they can now talk, which can lead to a new beginning.