The Relentless Job of Caregiving

You are fortunate to have lived a life with the person you love and married. You meant it when you said, ‘in sickness and in health’, an easy promise to make when you are young and can’t imagine the trials that may be ahead.  And then one day you get the unexpected diagnosis. Your spouse has a debilitating, progressive illness. Within months or a few years, your life transitions from a partnership to a caregiving role. Your lives are consumed with doctor appointments. Your social life starts to slip away. Your partner now relies on you for everything from food to assistance in the bathroom. Your life gets smaller and smaller and the person who formally provided you with companionship is no longer there for you.

Or…

You have fond memories of your childhood and your loving parents. They were there for you growing up. They have enjoyed your children and are proud grandparents. While you were growing your own family, they took advantage of their retirement and traveled and remained active. But then one of them passed away and your other parent is fine…until they are not. It is now up to you and your siblings to care for your remaining parent.

Unfortunately, this is what awaits many of us and it’s not an easy transition. Caregivers often experience guilt about needing time away, or resist getting help because, emotionally, they feel they should be handling it all. Many families experience conflict over sharing the time, finances and responsibilities associated with caregiving.

Some of this can be avoided by preparing as soon as the need arises. It’s important to get legal and financial assistance out of the way so everyone can understand the what the person you are caring for wants and needs and what is available to meet those needs and wishes. The family can sit down and prepare a caregiving plan to plan for what help is needed and who can do what and when it needs to be done.

There is a role for friends and family in caring for the caregiver. Perhaps someone in the family can fill in while your mother or sister enjoys a spa weekend, or your dad gets a weekend trip away? Telephone calls and visits are a welcomed break and an assurance that they have not been forgotten.

Caregiving is a 24-hour job that is both emotionally and physically exhausting but is done with love. It’s up to us to be there for the caregiver.