HOW TO GET A RELUCTANT SIBLING TO FAMILY MEDIATION

As we all know, families come in different sizes, have different dynamics and have different family issues that are hard to get resolved. There is one sibling who avoids the issues, there is another sibling who just wants everyone to get along, and then there is the sibling who is trying so hard to have a meaningful and productive conversation in order to resolve the caregiving issues of their elderly parents. I have seen this struggle among family members, which can go on for years, time and time again. Finally, a crisis is brewing, or one has occurred and the family needs help. As family mediators, we provide a safe environment for families to openly discuss difficult topics. Although I have witnessed the success of family mediation, not everyone is eager to come to the table.

            Mediation is a voluntary process where all participants sign an agreement to participate.   But getting all participants to the table is not always an easy task. There is usually one sibling who doesn’t trust the process, or their sibling, to believe that mediation is worth the time. And there is usually one sibling who thinks that they alone can resolve the problem.

            As a mediator, I can explain the process and the value of mediation to a reluctant participant in hopes that they will see the usefulness of mediation. Sometimes that works. However, the one thing that always seems to turn on the light bulb is when I ask the reluctant family member if the way in which the family has been coping with the disputes has been working for the family up until now. The family member will then do a quick assessment of how things have been going with his family to come to the realization that things have not been great. The sibling relationships have not been good, the situation with their elderly parents has not been resolved and no one is doing anything to improve their circumstances. While family mediation may not be as common as divorce mediation, it is a growing field that has been successful in helping families resolve their disputes and preserve their relationships. Therefore, I ask all reluctant participants to try an alternative way to address their family conflict since up until now nothing else has worked.