Tag Archives: family conflict

To Reconcile or Not to Reconcile?

 

Sometimes relationships just are not working. It can be a sibling or a parent or a child or a friend. It just is not working. Oftentimes there is a lot of hurt and sometimes the relationship ends with a bang and sometimes it just trails off. Every once in a while you might consider re-connecting. Is it the right thing to do? Or if there is no ‘right thing’, is it really worth going through the possible pain of re-connecting?

Firstly, the relationship between the people matters. If it’s friends, you might let that one go no matter how old the relationship is. But if a parent and child are involved, you might be willing to give it more of a try and be able to overlook more. It is very individual and a very personal decision.

Secondly, there is the benefit factor. Will reconstituting this relationship add or detract from your life? That is a big consideration. To be honest with ourselves, some relationships can bring joy, even if it is just in reminiscing, and some can be a drain on our lives.

Everyone has his or her own personal breaking points. For some it may be that not attending a family wedding may be the cut off point, for some it may be a funeral. While it is usually understood when there is a legitimate reason for not being there, if it is just a matter of the importance of the event not being understood or shared by the other person, it can be too hurtful to let pass.

Family may mean well in promoting continuations of relationships that just are not right for you. For instance, one sibling might feel compelled to continue communicating with a sister or brother out of guilt or genuine concern, while the other sibling has given up after realizing it was all take and no give on one side. Is this unhealthy? Not always. It’s a decision only you can make and you have to decide if you are comfortable living with it. It may be necessary to just let it taper off but respond in a friendly manner when being contacted, knowing that you might not be the one who will be initiating the connection. It is not up to someone else to pressure you to continue a relationship that you find hurtful or painful.

And sometimes it’s just better to give it time. Time can be a great healer and it can help you develop a new perspective. We have different ways of looking at relationships at different points in our lives.